Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2

Top Gear is back with its second episode of its 13th series. In this show (well, according to Clarkson) – they throw a chair over a hedge, a quite interesting man drives their reasonably-priced car, and a race between the Bugatti Veyron and the McLaren F1.

First they open up with a challenge that gives “excellent consumer advice.” The boys are given 2,500 quid to buy a car for 17-year olds that would make them, their parents, and the insurance company happy. Or so they set about. They start in the office by mixing and matching car prices and insurance costs to fit their budget. Tough one for them since insurance premiums for 17-year old boys were sky high, so they decided to pretend to be dads and insure the cars as parents.

Their picks – James arrives in a Volkswagen Golf (695 quid for the car, 1,509 quid for insurance). Richard arrives in a Hyundai S Coupe (700 quid for the car, 1300 for the insurance), and finally, Jeremy arrived in a Volvo 940 wagon.

First challenge – tweak the cars’ appearances to attract girls with the money left from their purchase. Hamster got a body kit (bumpers and skirts). Jeremy bought a water bed for the backseat. James spent all he had left for a sound system. On the way to the Jezza and Hamster pulled their first prank on Captain Small Bladder by changing his Bach with a CD of chugging sounds and super gluing all the buttons on his stereo.

Next challenge, they arrive at a campsite where they have to race packing camping equipment into their cars. The assorted stuff include tents, flags, chairs, (bong pipe), and blankets. Jezza busted his water bed doig the challenge. Jezza finishes packing first because of the wide space of the Volvo. Too bad he wrecks the back windscreen closing the hatch. Hammond rips his rear bumper. James wins it though as Jeremy continues to struggle getting out of the slippery hill.

They cut back for the news as expected. A bit more discussion on first-time driving revealing the fact that James and Richard failed the first time they took the driving test. They go back to last week’s discussion of the scrappage scheme where they discuss the advantage of just keeping a scrapper running. Some cars featured in this news segment – the Ariel Atom V8 and the Vauxhall supercharged VXR8. As for the media watchdog bits, the boys apparently insulted the boy scouts and the Catholic church with their “touch inappropriately” comment.

Instead of Jeremy in a fast car, it was Hammond’s turn. He goes all the way to Arabia to test the new Lamborghini Murcielago LP670-4SV – the fastest Lambo ever built (and the last). He lets the car rip up to 170 mph in an open road. SV (Sport Veloce) is the tag Lambo uses for its meanest cars. 4 corresponds to four-wheel drive. 670 matches the number of horses in the car. Performance times: 0 to 60 mph 3.2 seconds and a top speed of 212 mph.

Time for the Lambo’s power lap but before that, they drop quite a disappointing bombshell. Last week, the Ferrari FXX did a 1:10 lap time (driven by the Stig/Michael Schumacher) but apparently, the car was running on slicks which isn’t allowed by the power lap rules. So off comes the FXX. As for the Lambo, does 1:19 dead – as fast as an Enzo.

Next up – a star in a recently-priced car – Stephen Fry! Stephen lost quite a lot of weight. A bit of discussion on audio books (Fry’s the voice of the Harry Potter audio books), and his stint in the US. Fry’s also a Twitter and iPhone geek and he shares a few bits about them. As for his lap: 1:51 dead.

Back to the challenge. And for their next challenge – ride up their “parents’” driveway to park at 3 AM. They had a decibel meter to check the loudness. Hamster clocked 50.4 decibels, pretty quiet. Jezza crashed his car into a (cleverly-placed) shed clocking a loudest – 66.1. James went in quietly only to have his sound system activated by Clarkson through a remote. 98.7 decibels.

The following day they had a forklift flipped their cars for their next challenge. The logic behind this test is that teens inevitably will roll their car. They need to fix the wreckage in such a way that their parents won’t be able to tell that they were in an accident.

Next, they drive around the track littered with stuff that teenagers usually hit (which they have to), at the end they have to park between two cars that don’t have enough space in between. Their handbrake turns will even be judged by teenage girls. They made a complete hash of it. Back to studio for the scores. Jeremy got 157. Hammond got 0. James had 154. That meant that the best car for a 17 year old teen is a beige Volvo wagon.

To close out the show, they had a shootout between a McLaren F1 and a Bugatti Veyron – the old top speed standard versus the new top speed standard. This race is truly one of the more definitive shootouts in motoring history. Hammond is driving the Veyron and The Stig will be racing the McLaren. The McLaren darts out quickly after the start but the Veryon eventually catches up and smokes the McLaren in the drag race.

On that bombshell, that’s it for the show.